Infidelity
Discovering an Affair
The Bayridge Therapeutic Model

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"I Found Out On Friday."

Don and his wife enter the counselling room and sit on the couch together. He puts his arm around her and she snuggles into him but will not look her therapist in the eye. Don begins “On Friday...

I found out that my wife is having an affair.

We spent the entire weekend talking and made a lot of progress but we thought we should come for counselling to make sure we are on the right path.” His wife clutches a tissue and wipes a tear from her eye.

This is the last time that Don will appear calm and reasonable. Over the next two or three sessions his anger will begin to unfold and roll out. As the initial shock of the news of his wife’s infidelity begins to dissipate, Don’s anger quickly takes its place. In defence, his wife complains about his anger and how scary and intimidating it is becoming, as well as highly demeaning. And the intimacy begins!

Don feels entitled to spew out all kinds of angry and demeaning comments and labels, bordering on the profane. His excessive drinking may be helping numb his pain, but it is also numbing his judgement.

As he painfully obsesses over his wife’s infidelity, he constantly brings to his mind all kinds of sexual images. He has even threatened violence on the other man. Don is emotionally out of control, and if he doesn’t get appropriate help his wife will file for divorce. And if she does, this will feel like salt on his gaping wound.

Men suffer through an infidelity differently than women do!

Male anger is scary and intimidating and can be perceived as threatening. He is tossed between pining for the wife he used to have and feelings of betrayal and rage. He complains that he cannot sleep and finds that he doesn’t care about hobbies and interests he once had. He is teetering on the brink of situational depression.

If left on his own Don will likely sabotage any chance of working out this issue with his wife and end up feeling very alone. His anger blinds him to the fact that he is very frightened about losing the woman he loves or never being able to regain the loving relationship he once thought he had.

Men often do not want to reach out for help, spend the money on counselling or air their dirty laundry to a stranger. His virility has been challenged by the affair. Suggesting counselling now threatens his ego. All these are normal feelings. For many men it takes more courage to reach out for help than to suffer in silence.

A professional therapist is able to help men like Don understand that their anger is normal but also how to use that energy to bring healing and restore trust.

A therapist, like a unique friend, will help Don begin to let go of the fear of rejection that he expresses through anger. The therapist will help Don discover his inner strength and courage so that he can reconnect with his wife and begin to feel like he matters to her.

He will feel like he is in a battle... and a battle he is in!

But with one of Bayridge’s experienced therapists, Don and his wife will be able to rebuild their relationship. If you think about it, the therapist will help Don dodge all the land mines and bullets so that he can get to the other side, safe and sound. 40 seconds of Courage and call Bayridge. Let our skilled and understanding front desk team help you get through this battle, starting today.
You can do it, soldier!
www.affairrecoverycounselling.ca

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